Beckoned eventually by absolute loneliness. A life will extinguish without a last flicker of fight. Surrounded by shadows, possessions and emptiness, look back on a life steered by a hand that squeezed too tight. Every pathway hid not a door but a wall. The desired opening most impenetrable of all. Fists banged and punched until they bled. Legs kicked with an anger that burned a scorching red. Now gone forever as a body lays still, cold to the touch if there was someone to feel it. Passing on from this life with no legacy in place. A lifeless seed, a hope gone to waste. What joy can there be if we never bear fruit? What use is living when living is the end? Where was the path with a different route, instead of the maze that had a wall at every bend?
In the greater scheme of things, I am a nobody. I’m not powerful, popular, famous, celebrated, accomplished, successful, gifted, a role model, icon, spokesperson, mother, teacher, life saver or the holder of any other status that holds mass market appeal or admiration. I am, by comparison to most definitions, an insignificant nobody. I exist on the fringes of acceptability. I matter only to those that selflessly love me despite my lack of recognisable achievement. That, I feel, is an achievement in itself. It’s a testament to the kindness of others in a world where the ‘ordinary’ are often ignored, the ‘average’ are treated as examples of what not to be and the ‘different’ are regarded with suspicion – until they become YouTube hits. After that, they’re either described as ‘amazing’ or ‘freaks’ depending on media and celebrity judgements. It’s a weird world.
I like being me. My invisibility is actually a superpower; there is nothing I cannot do because there is no-one looking long enough to judge or condemn me. I get love from family, which I return in spades. I get encouragement from friends, who accept me as I am… ordinary. I offer these people nothing incredible or coveted. I give them, instead, something unique. I give them me – all 100% insignificant, un-inspiring, un-employed, un-attractive me. And yet they love and like me.
Next time you say you don’t believe in miracles, just look in the mirror. Then ask yourself, is there someone that loves and likes you just for being who you are? I think this may be the biggest miracle of all. There is always someone there to accept us. Even if we don’t always understand why.
Love rises like a sun to give warmth and light,
Feelings start to grow like delicate flowers,
Colours are vivid and unnaturally bright,
In a body so charged with amazing superpowers.
Eyes dance and glow like firefly swarms,
Cheeks ache from smiling for hours unbroken,
Every beat of your heart miraculously warms,
Ailments are cured with words unspoken,
Love is a wonder more devastating than war,
The most dangerous risk offering the biggest reward,
There isn’t a moment you don’t hanker for more,
For time spent in love before your heart was cruelly broken.
Life is a wonder to destroy or build;
Its beauty and shape for all to admire.
In this endeavour we don’t have to be skilled;
All we need is will and a burning desire.
Ignore the urge to cower and bow;
Our job is to build, that is our calling.
There’s no need to train or try to learn how;
The skills are ingrained so we need to stop stalling.
Procrastination, self-doubt and pity,
Tear down walls of our own clumsy making,
Emotions are wrecking balls in a world aready gritty;
A devastating ruin so vast and deflating.
Tools lay discarded, paralysed by rust,
Yet Utopia’s a paradise so easily erected;
When we look into our soul and find self-trust;
Faith and belief are the gateways selected;
Brave the path, it’s your world your shaping;
Temples, roads and neighbourhoods in a personal map;
The world at your feet is now so engaging;
Because life is our own – the world rests in our lap.
I had to attend a funeral today, held in a very old Orthodox church. As the mourners piled in, I found my grief numbed slightly by the beauty of the church. It made me more conscious of the beauty of life. All life. Especially mine. I wondered what I would hope for if I lived long enough to see death coming. Would I make it to old age, where the whisper of the wind becomes a faint calling from the other side; every passing Winter is a warning, every Summer a blessing, every Fall an omen and every Spring a re-birth of the will to live longer to see it all again.
The 94 year old great grandma being buried today was a lucky woman… She made it far longer than most and leaves behind a joyous legacy. Even in me for, as I sat there in the beauty of the church, grieving her passing, I found a will to live my life not for the better but for the moment – the here and now. My life, my present, my here and now, is blessed and beautiful. I just never saw it before. Thank you great Grandma and God bless you for eternity.
The colours of happiness will never appear without a border;
The darkness of sorrow, without which we’d know not joy.
Elation, it seems, is like an obsessive hoarder;
It hangs on to the fragments of life like a child clutches a toy;
Memories shade every section of our lives;
Childhood to present are strokes of a brush;
Every new colour the result of how one strives;
Blocked out with black to symbol death’s eternal hush.
Before the blackout comes a swathe of light;
See colours dance on a canvas of our making,
The dark border is there but rarely captured by sight;
Look at the edges for inner awakening;
We are framed by the dark to make more vibrant the bright.
A ‘player’ is just a desperate man trying to hide all his personality defects behind the adulation of his peers. They idolise him because he can pull women. They think he’s ‘the man’ because he shags girl after unsuspecting girl, using childish playground techniques to lure them into bed. Or, if he’s really pathetic, he relies on books like ‘The Game’ because he can’t think of how to attract the opposite sex without help.
In Hollywood movies, he starts off being the guy every other man wants to be … He’s the envy of his friends. To them, he has charm, charisma, sex appeal and balls of steel. He punches above his weight and seems to have it all. Fast forward to the end of the movie and he’s the one all his friends have outgrown. He’s the one without a family, trying desperately to hang on to the fringes of his buddies’ lives. The pals who once wanted to be him now find him immature and annoying. He’s suddenly the one his mates are least likely to want to emmulate. Instead, they all have lovely girlfriends or wives and beautiful, endearing kids who give unconditional love – they accept their man / father for all that he truly is and not for what he could be.
A player thinks excessive sex and breaking women’s hearts makes him a real man but real men don’t use women. They don’t treat them as possessions. They don’t lie to them without conscience. They don’t feel the NEED to pull for an ego boost. They don’t fear or disparage committment. They don’t run away from relationships. And they don’t ever abandon their kids.
If you’re one of these sad losers that always idolises the player in the movies and stupidly thinks they’re living a better lifestyle *NEWS FLASH* – NOBODY EVER WANTS TO END UP WITH THESE DUDES. Not even their friends. If that’s a future you want, then carry on gaming. No-one will care because, eventually, everyone around you will start to recognise you for the insecure, fragile guy that you’ve been so desperately trying to hide. Everyone’s true colours show in the end and the picture you paint to all the people you meet along the way will define you forever.
Still think players are cool? Yeah? God, I feel so sorry for you. You’re insecure AND dumb. Wow.
I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again… Don’t spend full whack on bridal shoes you’ll only wear once when you can snap up a perfectly gorgeous pair from designer discount haven TK Maxx. Check out the gorgeous strappy heels from designer Pedro Garcia that have now arrived in store, featuring a sparkling diamante ring (pictured above right). These ivory heels are simply stunning – classy, understated and timeless glamour. Also in store are a luxuriously good-looking pair of gold stilleto heels from Dune (pictured above left). Embellished with golden rhinestones around the back, this stunning pair of shoes would be perfect for modern brides seeking heels that they can wear again and again. Perfect party wear, you can christen them at your wedding before rolling them out again for your work’s Christmas party!
Rosalind Miller certainly knows how to create a show-stopping cake; you’ll regularly find one of her designs gracing the pages of a magazine or showcased on a TV show. Her creativity and vision seem to know no bounds, using icing and sponge to create not just beautiful cakes but genuine works of art. My favourites are, as ever, the styles which draw upon the best of the past to create something current in the present. Nothing beats a vintage inspired wedding cake. I’m biased, of course, but it’s plainly obvious. Just look at the creations below and then you tell me… am I wrong?
In honour of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, I couldn’t resist shining a spotlight on one of the most girliest, yet regal, of hair accessories; the tiara. Any bride planning a vintage themed wedding should give serious thought to adding an opulent antique tiara to her get-up. After all, your wedding is effectively the time when you become Queen for a day; all eyes are on you, you’re the centre of attention and the focus of all your subjects (ok, we’ll go back to calling them ‘guests’ but you have to admit, the thought of them becoming your subjects for the day definitely enthralls…).
For the truly extravagant, check out Etsy for jewelled tiaras dating as far back as the 1800s. They’re not cheap, but they’re certainly breathtaking – and you’d easily check off the ‘old’ or even ‘something blue’ from your list of wedding day traditions.
The crown tiara below – yep, it’s actually called a ‘crown’ – is a French brass and gilt creation from the late 1800s. At £552.06, it’s a tad pricey, but a far better investment than a pair of designer shoes or a dress you’ll only wear once:
If that’s too colourful – and you don’t mind breaking the bank – the superb tiara below costs over £4,000. It’s a rare French crown (there’s that delicious word again) boasting an ornate, filigree design with mercury glass balls nestled in beautifully crafted flower petals. It’s more than an investment – it’s a bonafide work of art. Originally found in an ancient church, it would have once graced the head of a Madonna or Saint – and for a high price, it could adorn your very own temple. The seller states that it’s in pristine condition, but in case you still have doubts, you’ll be reassured to know that this crown was featured on a recent TV show in the USA, where experts confirmed the hefty valuation – it truly is worth every penny:
If your budget won’t stretch to an actual antique crown, dump your future hubby for a richer prospect. Kidding! All is not lost… you don’t need bags of money to look like a Queen on your big day. The 1930s were big on sparkly hair combs; rhinestone designs that sparkle like diamonds under the light. Ebay, Etsy and charity shops are great places to pick up some of these wonderful alternatives – I own several for the sheer beauty of them, not even for a wedding day! Here’s one currently on Etsy, which looks like a mini-tiara, priced for under £65:
It’s eye-poppingly pretty and would look beautiful nestled in front of a simple hair bun or any bridal hair style with some height. It’s definitely time to channel your inner Royalty and wear your tiara with pride; you are the Queen of the ball on your big day – and don’t you dare let anyone forget it!