They say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Such is the world in which we live; a place where smiles mask hostility and people willingly hide behind a veneer to keep up the illusion of ‘friendship’.
Imagine someone you have been ‘friends’ with for over 5 years is suddenly revealed as someone to have routinely lied to you, made fun of you behind your back, used you for their own gain and took pleasure in repeatedly humiliating you? What would you do? Would you forgive, forget and give them a second chance? Would you secretly regard them as a ‘frenemy’ and resort to playing them at their own game by pretending to be friends? Or would you turn on your heel and walk away?
It’s a taxing dilemma. In our current society, many will veer towards keeping up appearances – say nothing and feign friendship. Others will feel outraged and hurt by the deception and unceremoniously kick the culprit to the curb. But what of the rest? The compassionate folks who are willing to give the person another chance? Are they the weak or the strong ones? Walking away vs. trying to forgive – it’s one hell of a bitch fight for your conscience. Both options are draining and take a lot of resolve and inner strength.
What would you do? And what do you think of those who would do the opposite?
Love rises like a sun to give warmth and light,
Feelings start to grow like delicate flowers,
Colours are vivid and unnaturally bright,
In a body so charged with amazing superpowers.
Eyes dance and glow like firefly swarms,
Cheeks ache from smiling for hours unbroken,
Every beat of your heart miraculously warms,
Ailments are cured with words unspoken,
Love is a wonder more devastating than war,
The most dangerous risk offering the biggest reward,
There isn’t a moment you don’t hanker for more,
For time spent in love before your heart was cruelly broken.
Drained, devoured, discarded and bruised;
All of the side-effects of being used.
Weary, bewildered, deeply confused;
The pain continues after you’re used.
Anger, frustration, even bemused;
It makes no difference; you were callously used.
Hatred and self-pity, now strangely fused;
Rage burns hotter after you’re used.
Decorum and pride, not so politely excused;
Self-loathing for weakness: only fools get used?
Thoughts of vengeance – revenge for being abused;
But your energy’s spent from being so used.
A crisis situation that cannot be diffused;
Until you get over feeling so used.
You thought you wanted it, then you had it, you got it, you got me,
Only to hate it, reject it, destroy the whole fantasy.
For you life as a player,
It seems it has to be,
Gaming and shaming,
Paining and breaking,
No conscience to tame it,
Prevent the whole tragedy.
I often ask God “why would you target me?”
Becoming a victim of someone so openly
Devoted to notches,
Chasing bare crotches.
Proud of his attitude,
No conscience to stop it.
If time could reverse I’d willingly clock it,
To erase our first contact,
Just dead it and drop it,
No cast-off label,
No sad-ending fable,
See who’s worth trusting
Who’s only lusting
Who’s only gaming, playing and hustling.
Now we have friendship,
Damaged for life,
Ruined and weakened all by your pride.
Something to brag about,
To show off to your friends,
Putting nails in the coffin,
Remember when it ends,
Game and gaming killed,
What was once yours to treasure;
A soul that was happy, now tarnished forever.
Only five days since we went our separate ways,
Since I walked away, said we needed a break.
The days have gone by in a psychotic craze,
How could I make such a stupid mistake?
“It’s not forever”, that’s what I said,
But deep in my mind, there in my head
I made a decision to never look back
So why do I struggle to stay on track?
I miss you, I want you,
I NEED you… I’ll admit it.
You’re an addiction so strong,
It hurts trying to kick it.
You were always there,
Whenever I felt low,
Yet now I treat you
Like a dastardly foe.
Turning my back,
Ignoring your call,
Putting up barriers,
Building a wall.
I couldn’t carry on,
Please try to see
I had no choice – it was you or me.
You were making me weak,
I was becoming too needy,
Selfish, indulgent, dependent and greedy.
You offered me comfort
Which I willingly took
It was only for Lent
That I forced myself to look
At all of my vices; a horrible list,
My body in crisis… I knew I had to resist,
So I took a vow, to show you the door
Such a difficult choice; now I long for you more.
I yearn for your warmth, solace and smell,
Knowing we’re over is quite simply hell
You’ve always been such a wonderful friend,
And the longing I feel will surely never end.
There’s no-one like you,
You’re the leader of the pack
The perfect golden brew,
There’s nothing you lack,
I sit and reminisce
On all those soothing sips,
You’ll always have my heart but…
Goodbye PG Tips.
[This poem is to mark the end of my addiction to tea. No more 5 cups a day. We are over.]