Romance & Relationships – 10th January, 2007

Your man says that you’re getting fat. What do you say? I say, “Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to weigh myself. I’m just waiting for the right man’s face to sit on.” Offensive? So I’ve been told…

Your man takes you out to dinner (great, he’s over the whole weight gain worry) but he orders a vegetarian salad for you (strike the previous thought). Do you politely eat the salad and feel tearful cuz it doesn’t even have any croutons? I say: “Honey, no-one gained energy by eating a few lettuce leaves decorated with a tomato. How do you expect me to go home with you, strip seductively to my undies, suck you off like a hydraulic doll, bend my body like a contortionist and then bounce on your lap like an Olympic Athlete?”  Fact: men getting women to eat salad only provides sufficient energy for a man to have to use his own hand when he takes his missus home from the restaurant.

Your man buys you a surprise gift… Diet pills. And they were expensive. Do you seethe silently cuz he didn’t spend the money on shoes or jewellery instead? No. You graciously accept and then grind several laxatives into his daily breakfast. If you give shit, you should get shit.

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