May 2007 – My Big Fat Greek Knee
I spent three months counting down to my two week break in Cyprus. Two days before I flew out, I somehow slipped on wet paving. My left leg was rendered uncontrollable after veering off to the side in such a way, I almost re-enacted a image from the ‘Position Of The Day Book’ (those who don’t have a copy, you’re missing out!). I’d torn all the ligaments in my left knee and ankle but, most importantly, I soon found out that even I can’t make a thigh-high tubi-grip bandage look good on the beach.
June 2007 – Has anyone seen my crutch?
Has anyone seen my crutch? No. That’s cuz I finally got to ditch the blasted things and stopped walking like I had a fork-lift truck parked between my legs. Instead, I’d got a meningitis style bug, complete with an ear and throat infection thrown in as a bonus. There’s nothing like a set of swollen glands around your chin to make you look like the Elephant Man…
July 2007 – ‘Back’ to normal… almost
Four doctors appointments, two lots of antibiotics, a course of super-strong painkillers and an emergency dash to Casualty later… I’m almost completely well! Hooray! My ear ache is finally subsiding although I’ve been refered to a specialist, my cough could be hayfever-induced asthma so it’ll pass eventually, my blood tests all came back negative (hell yeah, I aint ever had a disease and I don’t wanna start!), but (yes, there’s a ‘but’) I have a bad back. I coughed so violently I had a muscle spasm in my back which left me immobile for over a week (no, I’m not joking). Anyway, I’m finally on the mend (but need to see an osteopath). I am a [stiffly] walking calamity but I’m finally getting there.
And the moral of the story? Stay your ass home and don’t go on holiday. A Duty Free bargain aint the only thing you could bring back…