Several years ago, during the course of my work as a PR girl, I came face-to-face with a buff bloke in a red lycra suit, black spankies and a hair-do so quaffed, it wouldn’t move a millimetre in a category five hurricane. I fancied the [shiny] pants off him. Yup, ‘superhero’ Major Victory – his description, not mine – was very delectable indeed. I was so aroused, I spent a full bank holiday weekend locked indoors watching him cavort on the SCI FI channel (as it was then called) in the most bizarre reality TV show – ever. It was the brain child of comic book legend Stan Lee (which explained a lot!).
Suddenly, that old Bonnie Tyler track seemed almost phrophetic: ‘I need a hero / I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night / he’s gotta be strong / and he’s gotta be fast / and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight.’ ‘Hell yeah’, I thought. ‘That’s what I’m talking about. Bring on the heroes and let them be super. There’s nothing noncy about a man in tights.’ Unless they haven’t been washed first… but that’s a whole other blog.
If you think about it, a superhero kit is nothing more than a uniform, but with a lot more stretch and colour. It’s like looking at your wife in her kinky Ann Summers get up… she puts it on, she takes on a sexy persona and – pow! – a slut is born. It’s the same principle for men wearing lycra. They put it on, do a few stretches, run round the block and a [super] hero emerges. But are we really ready for them?
Superheroes are bold, brave, selfless, sexy, courageous and morally incorruptible. And covered in spandex. Yet, I thought there was nothing remotely attractive about a Fathers For Justice protester clad in a Batman cossie who dominated the news in the same year I met the luscious ‘Major Victory’. So what if he was scaling a building while police helicopters did a loop-the-loop right by his head? In theory, we should have broken out in a hot flush and started gagging for the guy’s number. Instead, most of us frowned sympathetically and thought no more about it.
Modern society just isn’t ready for any superheroes… If I was standing at the bus stop and a man clad head-to-toe in blue lycra suddenly offered me a ‘lift’ with his miraculous power of flight, what would I do? Threaten to headbutt the deviant freak and tell him to clear off, thinking all the while of how ashamed his mother must be. Perverted loser. Harsh, I know, but in this day and age, we’re surrounded by nutters and weirdos… even if the aforementioned freak turned out to be truthful and suddenly shot up into the sky, I’d still be looking around for David Blaine and a camera crew. Worse still, I might run like an Olympic athlete towards the nearest police station, sounding certifiable with my tales of a flying man in Spandex. And then I’d be the one labelled as ‘Loser’.
Really, the only way it’d be cool to fancy a man in fancy dress is if the media embrace him, build him up into the nation’s saviour and he becomes a celebrity. After all, it’s acceptable to lust after an icon – even one in spandex – without people thinking you’re some twisted cow who needs to get out more. Even his mother suddenly feels proud. He sells his story in a multi-million pound book deal, a film is made about his life, he bags a supermodel girlfriend with more bones jutting out than a mass grave genocide pit and he’s completely unattainable to an average girl like me. Yes! That’s the key. It’s the fantasy that’s alluring, not the reality. I like the idea of being with a superhero. I’m just not sure I’d like the reality. It’s the dream of having someone kind and brave and gifted and über-strong for a lover that triggers the tingling session in my spine and other areas.
By remaining a dream, I’ll never be disappointed. There’s no real-life hero who turns out to be a twat when you meet him. There’s just imagination, hope and desire. You can hear it in Bonnie Tyler’s voice as she wistfully belts out: “Where have all good men gone? / And where are all the gods? / Where’s the street-wise Hercules / To fight the rising odds?” He’s probably around here somewhere, but too scared of aggressive female bloggers to ever make himself known…
It’s a New Year, a new start and for plenty of couples across the globe it’ll be the start of their wedding planning. If your partner wasn’t armed with a gorgeous ring before getting down on one knee on Christmas morning to pop the question, count yourself lucky. Yep, I said lucky! What could be better than shopping for your own beautiful, shiny, diamond ring? Let’s face it, you’re almost always more likely to pick a bigger and more expensive band if you choose it for yourself, plus it’ll be to your personal style and you’ll get to spend a romantic day or two with your partner to either hit the shops or trawl the internet to find your perfect Sparkler. Bliss!
Before you opt for a modern, solitaire diamond showstopper please ask yourself this? Do I really want a ring that looks mass produced and just like everyone else’s? Surely not. Don’t you want something that has more style, sophistication and glamour? Yes? Good.
Check out this inspiring Art Deco Wedding Ring Set from the 1930s, now on sale on Etsy for just over £1,200… even if it’s not quite to your taste, the stunning detail should give you enough inspiration to think outside of the box (and straight onto your finger) when it comes to picking out a beautifully crafted, antique ring.
And for two gorgeous bands, the price tag shows that you can get a lot more for your money with a classic creation than a brand new, boring solitaire.
As I like to say, “If it’s old, I’m sold.”
So, what are you waiting for? Get shopping on sites like Etsy, eBay and PreLoved to find your dream ring for your dream wedding.
To say I’ve had a bad week doesn’t even begin to describe it. It has been upsetting, emotional and truly frightening. Though feeling good right now isn’t coming naturally, I still need to try. It’s important to have something to cure at least part of the blues… or to occupy my mind long enough to at least forget about them for a portion of the night.
I took to trawling the web to immerse myself in my favourite hobby; antique & vintage. Vintage beads, vintage gowns, antique jewellery – I love anything from a bygone era where everyone’s problems were easily concealed behind a vaneer of glitz and glamour. I wish my life was a glitzy postcard right now. Sadly, it’s not, but sometimes it’s the little things which really help…
I happened upon this show-stopping 1940s wedding gown on Etsy – a welcome pick-me-up to take my mind off things. When I gaze upon its beauty I feel a sense of warmth and hope. There is beauty in the world. There is beauty in our endeavours and achievements as human beings. There is beauty in the love we can find in our own lifetimes.
We may never know the background of the bride who wore this gown, but I hope that hers was a happy story, unfolded throughout a life-long marriage filled with love. The beauty of her life continues through this gown. It has endured for 70 years; a lifetime. It has carried with it the memories of a deep love which was celebrated and marked by marriage. Should you chose to buy it and let it share in your own experience of love, perhaps it will endure for another 70 years and bring warmth and wonder for many more brides in the years to come:
It has a collar to draw attention to your face, a lace waist to draw the eye down and a beautiful bow at the back to amaze the wedding guests during your vows. If only my life was as perfect as this dress. Sigh.
Summer’s here and the wedding season is in full swing. Couples tie the knot under the sun’s watchful gaze, radiating their own warmth as they say their sacred vows. Tear-filled eyes shine with the reflection of love and joy as boyfriend and girlfriend finally become man and wife. At last.
The only thing that could make the day more special is knowing that your wedding includes at least one spectacular, vintage masterpiece that has a glorious history of long-ago love. Here are my favourite pick of the weeks, recreating the magic of by-gone eras that were famous for not only their splendour but also for their wonderfully unashamed romance and whimsy:
The beautiful silk dress below is now on sale for $300 dollars on Etsy.com:
Check out the wonderful detail on the bodice:
And the button-up back gives a sexy and stylish finish to ensure you look always spectacular, even from from back to front!
It’s not all about your wedding day though… don’t forget the wedding night (as if you could!). Believe it or not, you could introduce some vintage glamour into your first night as man and wife. Before you start gagging at the thought of using something already used on on your wedding night, take a peep at the luscious 1950s boudoir slippers below… guaranteed to turn you into a sexy siren in the bedroom, whether you team them with sexy underwear, or decide to showcase them alone
Imagine kicking these off in front of your brand new hubby… but go easy, they’re too beautiful to rough up… even if it is your honeymoon!
At $40, these boudoir slippers are a wedding gift you can afford to give yourself, or cheekily persuade your maid of honour to buy for you. Afterall, that’s what bridal showers are for
I came across this site for wedding cakes by Maisie Fantaisie
I love the detail, the delicate patterns and lovingly made sugarcraft across all their designs. There are so many beautiful creations, it’s hard to choose just one!
This pretty stack, called ‘Tallulah’, boasts gorgeous ruffles and a flower design. It’s made from Meyer lemon cake, ‘Duchy Originals’ lemon curd, vanilla bean buttercream, handmade sugar rosettes and Swarovski crystals:
The ‘Paris Chic’ cake below is one of my favourites – I love the vintage cake stand and the recipe sounds scrumptious (Madagascar vanilla bean cake, almond buttercream, apricot preserve and handmade sugar daisies):
The ‘Peach Pearl’ cake is made with the same recipe as the ‘Tallulah’ above, but has a simple design that silently screams vintage chic:
For an elegant, smaller sized cake, why not try this ‘Rose & Daisy’ cake, with a fair trade arabica espresso coffee sponge, Amedei Toscano chocolate and lashings of orange zest buttercream, all decorated with grosgrain ribbon and pretty, handmade sugar flowers:
Clearly, the highlight of a wedding isn’t just the bride… these show-stoppers will compete with the most stunning of brides on their big day
For those looking to burn a hole in their pocket, this vintage 1930s evening gown above screams Hollywood glamour. At $950, so it should!
Of course, having the perfect vintage dress for your big day would be nothing without the necessary bling to seal the deal. Check out this stunning vintage wedding ring set - perfect for a stylish bride who respects the environment through the purchase of second hand engagement and wedding bands:
These are priced at just $450 dollars so a UK buyer would get this for just over half the cost, thanks to the great exchange rate at the moment.
You thought you wanted it, then you had it, you got it, you got me,
Only to hate it, reject it, destroy the whole fantasy.
For you life as a player,
It seems it has to be,
Gaming and shaming,
Paining and breaking,
No conscience to tame it,
Prevent the whole tragedy.
I often ask God “why would you target me?”
Becoming a victim of someone so openly
Devoted to notches,
Chasing bare crotches.
Proud of his attitude,
No conscience to stop it.
If time could reverse I’d willingly clock it,
To erase our first contact,
Just dead it and drop it,
No cast-off label,
No sad-ending fable,
See who’s worth trusting
Who’s only lusting
Who’s only gaming, playing and hustling.
Now we have friendship,
Damaged for life,
Ruined and weakened all by your pride.
Something to brag about,
To show off to your friends,
Putting nails in the coffin,
Remember when it ends,
Game and gaming killed,
What was once yours to treasure;
A soul that was happy, now tarnished forever.
Last week, my mate’s mum told me that I was too fussy and that I’d never meet a suitable bloke unless I changed my criteria.
I’ve thought about this and, I ask you, is it really too much to want to meet someone that I have chemistry with in the first 5 seconds? Is it really my fault that I like the quick-witted, sarky ones? I mean, I meet guys all the time, but I don’t fancy them… there’s always something wrong.
Take the super good-looking guy that asked me out a hip hop club night… he was wearing a clown suit. Seriously. I could just about see his face under the outrageous wig, and don’t even get me started on the loud shirt, over-sized shoes and braces holding up his trousers. Call me prejudiced, but I really don’t like clowns.
Then there was the cute man I met on holiday – his chat up line was “I like to lick it before I stick it” which he followed with a child-like giggle and a cocked eyebrow. Hell, no. That was just too friendly. Then there was the tall, dark and handsome bloke I met at a bar – he told me that he makes every woman reach orgasm because he likes to stick his finger up their bum during love-making. I didn’t even finish my drink before I ran for the nearest exit.
Then there was the ‘wonderful’ religious geezer who told me that if he wasn’t marrying his fiance he’d marry me instead but I shouldn’t let that stand in the way of us getting it together. I told him to naff off and headed to the nearest chipie to buy a pork kebab.
Am I fussy?
Well, really, am I?
Your man says that you’re getting fat. What do you say? I say, “Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to weigh myself. I’m just waiting for the right man’s face to sit on.” Offensive? So I’ve been told…
Your man takes you out to dinner (great, he’s over the whole weight gain worry) but he orders a vegetarian salad for you (strike the previous thought). Do you politely eat the salad and feel tearful cuz it doesn’t even have any croutons? I say: “Honey, no-one gained energy by eating a few lettuce leaves decorated with a tomato. How do you expect me to go home with you, strip seductively to my undies, suck you off like a hydraulic doll, bend my body like a contortionist and then bounce on your lap like an Olympic Athlete?” Fact: men getting women to eat salad only provides sufficient energy for a man to have to use his own hand when he takes his missus home from the restaurant.
Your man buys you a surprise gift… Diet pills. And they were expensive. Do you seethe silently cuz he didn’t spend the money on shoes or jewellery instead? No. You graciously accept and then grind several laxatives into his daily breakfast. If you give shit, you should get shit.